General · EdgepediaOctober 3, 20265 min read

Don't Go Near the Water

Don't Go Near the Water is a 1957 American comedy film directed by Charles Walters for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, adapted from William Brinkley's 1956 novel about a U.S. Navy public relations unit stationed on a South Pacific island during World War II, far from any combat.¹ It stars Glenn Ford as Lt. Max Siegel, Gia Scala as the Tuluran schoolteacher Melora Alba, and Earl Holliman, with a supporting cast that includes Anne Francis, Keenan Wynn, Fred Clark, Eva Gabor, Russ Tamblyn, and Mickey Shaughnessy.¹

Key fact	Detail
Release	New York opening 14 November 1957; produced late February to late April 1957¹
Source	Based on the novel Don't Go Near the Water by William Brinkley (New York, 1956)¹
Principal cast	Glenn Ford (Lt. Max Siegel), Gia Scala (Melora Alba), Earl Holliman (Adam Garrett), Anne Francis (Lt. Alice Tomlen), Keenan Wynn (Gordon Ripwell), Fred Clark (Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash)¹
Technical format	CinemaScope, Metrocolor, Perspecta Sound; running time 105 to 107 minutes¹
Key creatives	Screenplay Dorothy Kingsley and George Wells; producer Lawrence Weingarten; music Bronislau Kaper; cinematography Robert J. Bronner¹
Recognition	1958 Golden Globe nominations for Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical, and Best Actor, Comedy or Musical; Golden Laurel winner, Top Male Comedy Performance²

Spoilers

Plot

The story is set on the fictional South Pacific island of Tulura, where Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash, a pompous ex-stockbroker who has never left land, heads the Navy's public relations department with a small staff of "dry land sailors." To counter Admiral Boatwright's opinion that the department is a bunch of "oddballs and freaks," Nash assigns his men tasks to placate demanding war correspondents and to promote a romantic, false picture of the Tuluran people as quaint natives with their own language.¹

Lt. Max Siegel, the only member of the department who has seen sea duty, meets the well-educated Tuluran teacher Melora Alba while escorting two visiting congressmen, and courts her at the run-down village schoolhouse where she teaches without reference books, supplying encyclopedias for her students. Interwoven subplots follow Pvt. Adam Garrett, an enlisted man forbidden to date above his rank, who schemes with the playboy Lt. Ross Pendelton to spend time with Lt. Alice Tomlen, and Siegel's blackmail of the arrogant correspondent Gordon Ripwell, whom he threatens to expose to his publisher unless Ripwell donates one thousand dollars to rebuild Melora's school.¹

Two set pieces anchor the comedy. The department's publicity campaign produces Farragut Jones, a ribald seaman scripted to spew profanity that a loud "bleep" drowns out each time he utters it; Siegel converts Jones into a presentable spokesman in three days with booze and promises of fame. Later, assigned to escort the correspondent Deborah "Debbie" Aldrich on a battleship, Siegel joins 1,700 sailors who have not seen a woman in 31 months, and Debbie's black lace panties end up flying from a ship's cable as a pennant despite a six-man, 24-hour guard.¹ The film ends at the victory party, where Siegel, having proposed to Melora and found their marriage blocked by his New York obligations and hers to her students, dedicates the officers' club as a recreation facility for the Tulurans and rejoins Melora on the dance floor with her father's consent.¹

Production

The film went before cameras from late February to late April 1957, and Loew's Inc. and Avon Productions registered the copyright on 7 October 1957 under number LP9283.¹ Casting changed during development: according to Hollywood Reporter items of 30 January and 1 March 1957, Anna Kashfi was to star but was replaced by Gia Scala, and a June 1956 item reported that Ernest Borgnine had been considered for the lead role that went to Glenn Ford.¹

The production used MGM's house staff of the period: Bronislau Kaper wrote the score and, with lyricist Sammy Cahn, the title song "Don't Go Near the Water," sung by The Lancers; Robert Bronner shot the film in Metrocolor; William A. Horning and Urie McCleary designed the sets; Adrienne Fazan edited; and A. Arnold Gillespie and Lee LeBlanc handled visual effects.¹ The battleship scenes incorporate actual World War II combat footage.¹

The novel and its author

William Brinkley wrote the source novel from his own service: two of his books, Don't Go Near the Water (1956) and The Ninety and Nine (1966), draw on his four years in the U.S. Navy, and the novel is a tale of incompetence, bureaucratic bumbling, and romance in the life of a public information officer on a Pacific island during World War II.³ The book was a commercial success: it sold 165,000 copies in 1956, not counting book club sales, and the film rights were secured quickly.⁴ Time described it as Brinkley's "nutty little bestselling novel about Navy public relations."⁵

Reception

The film opened in New York on 14 November 1957 and was reviewed that month by the major outlets, including the New York Times, Variety, Newsweek, Time, and The New Yorker.¹ At the 1958 Golden Globes it received nominations for Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical, and for Glenn Ford as Best Actor, Comedy or Musical, and it won the Golden Laurel for Top Male Comedy Performance.² A contemporary retrospective assessment calls the film episodic, moving from word jokes to slapstick to romance, and "silly more than funny" overall, though with some funny episodes.⁶ On Rotten Tomatoes the film holds a 20 percent Tomatometer from a small number of reviews, with audience reactions similarly mixed.⁷

The film's comic premise, a Navy unit that never reaches the water, is announced in its opening prologue: "A Great Naval Commander once said, 'Don't Give Up the Ship!' The Sailors in our story aren't worried about this. They have no ships to give up. In fact they Don't Go Near the Water." Keenan Wynn, as the correspondent Gordon Ripwell, provides the voice-over that introduces the "dry land sailors."¹

References

Initially written Oct 3, 2026 · Reviewed: Oct 3, 2026; Oct 25, 2026 · Edited: Oct 3, 2026; Oct 25, 2026; Nov 1, 2026